


you loved me, you killed me

by newtslittleniffler



Category: Dan&Phil, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bathroom Sex, M/M, Makeup Sex, Out of Character, Phanfiction, Public Blow Jobs, References to Cheating, Smut, but not actually sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 15:23:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10699770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newtslittleniffler/pseuds/newtslittleniffler
Summary: dan and phil are seeing each other for the first time since their breakup - bring the question: are they able to handle being together without lusting for one another?





	you loved me, you killed me

The moment Phil entered the party Dan knew. All it took was for his ex boyfriend to step through the door and he felt that familiar tightening pain squeezing his chest, like a claw clutching at his heart; he started to feel a little dizzy and his skin flamed up in embarrassment. They hadn’t seen each other since… 

It had been three months, and just as Dan was getting able to at least  _ pretend  _ to be getting over it, he had to see him face to face. He hadn’t even wanted to go to the party, he’d so badly wanted to just stay at home; but PJ had begged him to come; and he knew the fans would just get more confused if he didn’t show up at yet  _ another  _ Youtube event. It felt strange seeing Phil entering a party on his own, Dan knew that he got terrible anxiety doing things like that. They used to never leave one another’s side. He wondered if Phil was shaking as badly as he was. The older man was being certain to go no where near the sofa where Dan was sat talking to Louise (maybe not talking, he’d frozen mid sentence when the door had opened) and it could have been an accident; other than there was no denying that their eyes  _ almost  _ met. Phil had glanced over in their direction, but just as Dan had started to turn his head, he looked away. 

“Are you okay?” Louise asked, lightly placing a hand on Dan’s, trying to smile but there was a deep, sympathetic sadness in her eyes. 

Of course she would know instantly that he was lying, but Dan still tried to nod. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of Phil, no matter how hard he tried. He looked so insanely good, he was wearing a white shirt with skin tight black jeans, and of course it wouldn’t be a Phil outfit if his tie wasn’t patterned elaborately. That night he was wearing one decorated with embroidered birds with rainbow wings, and despite himself, Dan almost smiled.

“You should go and talk to him.” Louise said. 

Just hearing those words made Dan feel like he was falling, his heart fell to the pit of his stomach leaving him feeling completely empty; and he looked at Louise with tremendous shock. “Are you joking?” 

“No, I really think that it would be good!” Louise said. “The sooner you get it out of the way, the more you can enjoy the party.”

“I don’t need to enjoy the party, I’m  _ leaving _ .”

He wouldn’t leave. He just really really wished that he could, he felt like he couldn’t breathe, his throat was closing up. “There’s no way I’m  _ going over  _ there, do you think I’m crazy?”

“Dan-” Louise started but then she broke up and her eyes went wide. She was staring ahead looking a little lost, a little scared, and incredibly uncomfortable. “It’s too late, don’t look, he’s coming over.”

“ _ What _ ?!” Dan echoed, and obviously, he looked. There was no way he could act like he just didn’t notice him, because he met Phil’s gaze. He was walking across the room right towards them, there was no question that his path led right to where his ex sat. He was with Chris, and Chris was muttering something under his breath, Phil didn’t look like he was listening. All he was focusing on was Dan, and he was getting closer and closer. 

“Fucking hell Louise, kill me now.” he whispered, his voice trembled so much that it pained him. He had been in a lot of awkward experiences throughout his life, but this was definitely up there with the worse. “Maybe I can just go to the toilet if I leave now and-”

“Hi.” 

That voice. He froze. He was paralysed. Terrified. Completely dumbstruck, Dan’s head moved slowly and he was looking up at the familiar face. Seeing him up close physically hurt - as did hearing his voice. The first week or so after they had broken up, Dan had just locked himself away watching old videos, torturing himself with it, watching their entire lives folding out in videos. He had watched edits by fans, he had watched the first ever Phil Is Not On Fire… all of it. But since then, he hadn’t heard his voice once. It just felt so  _ foreign. _ It was nothing like they used to speak to each other, Phil was speaking to him, formally and as if he was just an acquaintance. 

Giving Dan a look that said  _ answer him you idiot,  _ Louise grinned far too brightly. “Hi guys.” 

Phil just offered her a small smile, Chris lifted his hand in an awkward wave. But everyone’s eyes were on Dan, waiting. 

He felt sick. The last time they had been this close… 

 

**********

 

_ “Well I’m stuck for ideas, Dan, I really am!” Phil said, throwing his hands up, turning so that his back was to his boyfriend. “If the only way we can get over this is for you to grow up, we really have a problem.” _

_ “ _ Me? _ ” Dan echoed in disbelief, “You can’t just put this on me, Phil, it takes two to tango!”  _

_ He didn’t even have to be able to see Phil’s face to know that he was rolling his eyes despairingly. “Why do you  _ think _ we’re arguing all the time, Dan?” _

_ He turned to face him again, and he was looking at Dan with such a strange fury that was so unlike Phil, it unsettled the young boy. Usually, when Phil was annoyed, he gave him the silent treatment. He just didn’t talk because he knew it would drive Dan insane - when Phil raised his voice, he was  _ mad _. Really really mad. It was getting more common lately for him to be mad…  _

_ “I don’t know why we’re arguing all the time!” Dan said honestly, and he didn’t really know why but he felt tears threatening to sting at his eyes. Maybe it was just the fact that the reason they were arguing all the time was that Phil had entirely lost interest in him, and that hurt. He tried to tell himself not to cry, but he was never one for doing as he was told. “It’s just- everything.” _

_ It was true. They just got so angry at each other for even the smallest of things. Not a day went past where they didn’t fight, they just never got on.  _

_ And there was the fact that Dan had seen something he wasn’t supposed to see. He hadn’t wanted to accept that it could have been true, but he couldn’t keep it in anymore. Not when Phil was trying to shift all the blame onto him.  _

_ “Don’t pretend that it’s all my fault!” Dan said, and it went quiet. Deadly silent as their gazes melted into one another, fusing into a wave of fury. “I saw you.” _

_ Phil’s face fell for the slightest second, and Dan definitely didn’t meet it. Next second though, he was pretending to have no idea, his face blank. “Saw me what?” he asked, voice quiet.  _

_ “I saw you…” Dan started, but he knew that once he said the words out loud there was no going back. There was no way he could pretend that it hadn’t happened.  _

_ “I saw you kissing that girl the other night.”  _

_ Phil froze. He shook his head a little, his blue eyes piercing as he stared right at Dan. He opened and closed his mouth a few times as if he wasn’t sure what to say. Eventually, he managed to croak, “What?” _

_ That was it. Dan snapped. How dare he still try and act like it hadn’t happened? Like he hadn’t  _ cheated _!  _

_ “I saw you kissing that fucking girl in that fucking nightclub, Phil!” he yelled, so loud that he was pretty sure a glass could have smashed. Phil flinched as if he had been slapped, and Dan realised he  _ wanted  _ to slap him. “Yeah, are you suprised? You got caught pretty much fucking that girl, and I didn’t say anything!” _

_ The angrier he was, the more tears started to fall freely down his cheeks. It felt as if they had been fighting for hours, the whole day. Now outside the moon was rising as the sky got darker.  _

_ “I thought…” Phil spoke slowly, almost completely silent.  _

_ “What did you think, Phil?” Dan said, stepping closer, there was pretty much no gap between them. “You thought I wouldn’t find out about your dirty little secret?” _

_ “It wasn’t like that,” Phil protested, his voice cracked. A single tear slid glassily from his eye and he shook his head, refusing to meet Dan’s gaze. “You know it wasn’t like that. We were… we were broken up.” _

_ “We’ve never been broken up!” Dan screeched, he felt as if he was losing control. He fisted his hands into his own hair, tearing at it with all his frustration. “For the whole six years we’ve known each other, we’ve  _ never  _ been broken up!” _

_ “You said we needed time apart.” Phil said, “You told me you didn’t want to look at me, you said you were done with us-” _

_ “We never made a decision to break up, Phil! Are you seriously trying to make excuses for kissing another girl, the same  _ day  _ that I suggested taking a break?” _

_ Then he noticed something. Phil had stiffened, gone rigid, just on the word ‘kissing’. He didn’t want to think about it… he hadn’t gone home that night. He had ran to PJ’s and slept on the sofa, and when he got back in the morning he found the flat empty. He had just assumed that Phil had been off doing errands but…  _

_ “You did  _ just  _ kiss, right?” Dan asked. He didn’t want to know. But he had to ask. He was trembling, his hands shook. His face even paler. Phil didn’t need to say anything, his face said it all.  _

_ But Dan couldn’t believe it. The evidence was right there, in those eyes that he used to look into for warmth and trust. “Phil?” he said, he’d never felt more afraid. “Did… did you sleep with her?” _

_ Phil squeezed his eyes shut, he shook his head. He turned, he held his head in his hand as he tried to walk away. Dan wouldn’t have that, though. He’d been tiptoeing around the subject for ages, never wanting to bring it up. There was no escaping it now that he had finally plucked up the courage. He reached and wrapped his fingers around Phil’s wrist, pulling him back around to face him.  _

_ “Did you sleep with her?” he repeated harshly.  _

_ Phil met his eyes. They were glazed over with tears, he looked like he was fighting the urge to throw up. Soon, though, he nodded his head.  _

_ Dan inhaled sharply, like he was gasping for breath as a sob broke from his lungs. His hand had still been tightened around Phil’s wrist, he dropped it like the touch scalded his fingers. Staring at Phil, he tried to work out how they had come to this. After everything - it had come to pain and misery.  _

_ “I’m sorry.” Phil said. He sounded it, too, and Dan couldn’t hate him even then. That was the worst part - he loved him. He loved him so much, but loving him was causing both of them so much sadness. Being together… they weren’t together. “I thought that-” _

_ “I don’t want to talk about that.” Dan said. “I just wanted the truth.” _

_ “But-” _

_ “Don’t.” Dan cut him off. “I can’t do this anymore.”  _

_ “But shouldn’t we talk about it?” Phil asked, sounding small and scared and guilty. “We can’t just pretend it didn’t happen-” _

_ “We’re not pretending it didn't happen. We’re just not talking about it. I don’t have time for it.” _

_ Phil frowned, not catching on. He moved closer to Dan, but Dan stepped far out of his reach. He shoved his hands in his pockets so that Phil couldn’t try to hold on to them.  _

_ “I don’t understand-” _

_ “It’s over.” Dan said. As he said it, he made a small whimpering noise. He couldn’t keep himself from crying, he wanted to just curl up in a ball and wish the world away. He wanted Phil to curl himself into him the way they did when they were sad, cuddling as one until they felt okay again. “We’re over.” _

_ “But-” _

_ “We can’t do this anymore.” Dan said. “Now you can fuck as many random girls from clubs as you like.” _

_ He instantly regretted saying it. Phil looked like he had been shot, he looked even more miserable which a second before would have seemed impossible. “What do you mean?”  _

_ “I mean just that, Phil. We have to end it.” _

_ He couldn’t believe he was even suggesting it. He didn’t think that he could ever live without Phil - not a single day went past where they weren’t together for every second. They lived together. They had everything… their Youtube channel. Their show. Just on the table beside them was a copy of the book they had written together. They’d done it all, the pair of them. They were Dan and Phil. But maybe it was true - that all good things must come to an end.  _

_ “I don’t want to end it.” Phil said. He sounded so crushed. He looked like everything inside him was crumbling, as if the whole world was about to just come toppling down.  _

_ Dan hung his head. “No. Neither do I.” _

_ He sat down on the sofa. A second later, Phil had moved to sit down beside him. There was a gap between them. Usually they sat so close that their limbs were tangled, intertwined just as their hearts were. But now there was enough room in the middle for somebody else to squeeze into the middle. Everything had changed with just those words.  _

_ A strange sadness hung in the air over them. They were silent but for the sounds of their sniffling as they cried. All any of them wanted was to wrap themselves around one another, they just wanted the other to comfort them. It was all they ever needed.  _

_ But that was how it always went with them these days. Fight, make up. Fight, make up. An endless torturous cycle.  _

_ “Is it really…” Phil started to say, but he couldn’t finish the question.  _

_ “I think it has to be.” Dan managed to get out.  _

_ He glanced at the cushion between them. He moved into it. He wrapped his arm around his boyfriend for once last time, pulling him close. He was so hurt. Phil had cheated on him… the only person Dan had ever been with whatsoever was Phil. It was all he could imagine, he was the only person he had ever  _ wanted  _ to kiss and hug and sleep with. It felt like he was breathing in drugs, taking in more of what he knew was doing nothing but hurt him. But he just needed one last hit. Lightly, he moved his hand around to Phil’s jaw, turning his face to kiss him.  _

_ He leaned round, and pressed his lips to his for one final time. As they kissed, Dan shut his eyes, and along with Phil’s touch came the taste of salty tears.  _

_ “I love you.” he whispered, and he pressed his forehead against Phil’s. Their hands found each other, fingers lacing together. “I love you so much, Phil. I always will.” _

_ Phil couldn’t speak. All he could do was cry and tighten his hold on Dan. One last time…  _

 

_ ************** _

 

“Hi, Phil.” Dan managed to say. It came out in a fast mumble, he was pretty certain Chris or Louise didn’t even make out what he had said, but Phil knew. He always knew. He smiled. Dan couldn’t smile back. All he could do was look into those eyes… the eyes of the boy who had broken his heart. The boy who had held it since the first time he lay eyes on him and who always would. 

“I’m going to go and-” Chris tried to think of something to say, but he realised he didn’t even need an excuse to leave because Dan and Phil were focusing too much on each other, and he walked off in the opposite direction. 

Louise hesitated. Eyes darting from one to the other, she was testing to see what temperature the waters were at. Dan nodded. Ever so slightly, just a tiny nod that said he would be okay. It was a lie, he didn’t think he would ever be okay again. 

All he wanted was to touch him, to kiss him, to hug him. He wanted to laugh with him, he wanted everything to be normal. Suddenly all that he could see in his mind were nights spent cuddled up under a blanket on the sofa watching movies, playing video games together. He just wanted everything to go back to normal. As Louise got to her feet and walked to find Zoe, Dan fell back to earth. They weren’t in the old days, they were here. Three months without talking, ex-boyfriends. Not together. 

“How are you?” Phil asked softly. Dan stared at him still. He looked as if he never slept, his eyes were ringed in even darker circles that stood out like black bruises against his pale skin. The blueness seemed like a wave of more tears. He looked as broken as Dan felt. 

“I’ve been better.” Dan said flatly.

It was so uncomfortable. They used to be able to joke, they may have been in a relationship but they were able to just act like best friends - now they may as well have been strangers. Phil nodded. 

The strangest thing was, they had  _ never  _ been like this. When they had first met in person it had felt like they’d known each other for years, there wasn’t a single awkward silence for the entire time. And now… everything was wiped away. 

“How are you?” Dan asked, way too late for it to be taken as him being polite. Just something to say to make the whole scenario be over quicker. 

Just as Phil opened his mouth to reply, though, someone came marching past, storming over to the dance floor and claiming that it was their song; unfortunately in their excitement they knocked right into Phil. Of course, just his luck, he had been holding a full glass of drink, some bright blue concoction that only Phil would order. Only the glass was no longer full, the liquid had sloshed all over  _ Dan _ . Dan, now soaking wet, just about managed to steady his ex before he fell over. 

“Fuck!” He said loudly, and Phil was immediately overcome with a tidal wave of apologies. 

“I’m so sorry!” he was saying, biting his lip, he darted to a table nearby and picked up a hug wad of napkins, returning to Dan with them. 

He took one and started dabbing at Dan’s shirt, but just a single touch and Dan was swerving out of the way. 

“It’s fine.” he snapped harshly, grabbing the napkins. “I can do it.” 

“I’m so sorry Dan-” Phil said, blinking a little, taken aback by how far Dan had moved to avoid touching him. 

Dan wondered if Phil knew  _ why _ . Because if Phil touched him again he would go out of control - just placing his fingers on Phil’s arms to keep him on his feet had sent a surge of desire through the younger of the two. 

“You don’t have to apologise, it was Alfie.” Dan muttered, glowering in the direction he had gone. 

“But I-”

“Look, forget it.” Dan stopped him, and without another word he turned and headed for the bathroom. This was why he was always glad to wear black jeans - it didn’t always look like he had wet himself when things got spilt on him, which was maybe more than a usual amount. The situation really wasn’t ideal but he was grateful for one thing: he had been given an excuse to run away from the terrible interaction with Phil. As soon as he was alone he felt like he would just dissolve into a pile of tears there and then. He’d been planning on saving it until he got home, or at least in the taxi, but no. Of course he wouldn’t be able to hold it in at a party where pretty much all the youtubers were, all of whom would be vlogging the moment too. 

Thankfully, there was nobody else in the room and Dan was able to go over to the hand dryers, holding out the material of his shirt underneath the jets of air in hopes that it would dry. When he realised that wouldn’t work, he decided what the hell, it wasn’t like any of the guys would be filming inside the bathrooms and everybody was drunk. He quickly unbuttoned his shirt and took it off completely, putting it back under the drier. As he waited, he tried to control his breathing. He didn’t know what he was feeling, he felt all over the place.

Miserable, embarrassed, irritated, anxious - that was to name a few. 

Over the noise of the hand drier, Dan didn’t hear the door opening and closing. Phil coming around to the opposite side of made him pretty much jump out of his skin. 

“Fuck, you made me jump!” he said, and then he noticed Phil’s eyes were wide. They were roaming over Dan’s chest- his  _ bare  _ chest. Cursing again, Dan speedily yanked his clothing back onto his body, but before he could get the buttons done up, Phil placed a hand on his. 

Dan froze. It was like he’d been electrocuted. 

It was quiet now, the machine having stopped blaring noisy air. 

“Dan, I’m really sorry.” Phil said, and he spoke softly. So soft, his voice was so soothing, it made Dan want to close his eyes and cuddle up to him. Something told him that Phil wasn’t just apologising for the shirt and for making him jump. 

“I told you, it’s fine.” Dan muttered, and he moved away from Phil’s touch once more. Returning to buttoning up his shirt, he watched curiously as Phil’s eyes followed his movements. 

“Well at least we’ve got something to laugh at now.” Phil said sheepishly, and he smiled nervously. “No more awkward-”

“I’d say it’s still pretty awkward, Phil.” Dan said sharply. He wanted to leave, he wanted to escape, he couldn’t stand how Phil was smiling at him and looking at him with a soft gooey gaze. It was making him weak at the knees and he was getting nervous because he didn’t know what was about to happen and he didn’t trust himself to be sensible. 

The fact was, he didn’t want to leave at all, and that’s what was scaring him. He wanted to stay with Phil forever, he was trying so hard not to break down and kiss him and hold him and - and he really just wanted to have sex with him right there. Probably, Dan thought to himself, Phil had worn a shirt that he knew would accentuate the muscles in his torso, he looked so attractive. 

And when Dan looked at him, the clumsy boy who would always seem cute and childish, yet still manage to be hot and seductive as well when he wanted to be, he felt so filled with  _ love _ . 

It was killing him, like a sharp knife through the spine. And the chest. And the brain. 

Dan’s snappy reaction just made Phil smile a little more, but his eyes didn’t smile. They were distant - although they were looking right at Dan, they were far away too. There wasn’t the normal light that was always there. Phil was no longer light and like a ray of sunshine, he seemed clouded and sad. 

Dan felt clouded and sad. 

“You’ve got the buttons done up wrong.” Phil whispered. 

“What?” Dan asked, not sure what he was saying at first, he had to shake himself out of his daze. Looking down, he noticed he hadn’t matched up the buttons to the right holes and the shirt was gaping to reveal his skin still. “Oh, I-” he stopped talking, instead holding up his hands to show how they were shaking. 

It was like he had stage fright. 

“I can help you.” Phil said gently, and Dan’s heart started racing with pounding pumps. “If you want me too.”

And somehow, Dan found himself agreeing. He nodded, and Phil smiled. And for a second, there was that little glimmer in his eye. He stepped close, as he moved he glanced back at Dan to check he was definitely sure. Dan wanted to close his eyes, looking at Phil was hurting. Searing pain all over, and yet, he couldn’t look away. As the other man was looking down at the buttons, his fingers working, his long eyelashes stroked his cheeks, he looked focused. The corners of his lips were twitched upwards. His fingers worked and as they did, they occasionally touched Dan’s skin by accident. His touch burned. A burning fury of passion and lust. 

The room was practically full of it, going up in flames around them. 

“There.” Phil said when he was done, and he stepped away. The moment over, the air cold again. “Sorry again.”

Dan didn’t want to accept that the moment was over. He wanted Phil to do more, he wanted him to touch him everywhere. He wanted him to lace his fingers through his brown curls like he used to. He remembered before, when Phil had always been wanting him to embrace his hobbit hair and he would spend the morning running his hands through it, styling it. 

Everyone had always used to say that they must have been telepathetic, and Dan sincerely believed so. Just at that moment, Phil’s eyes were also on Dan’s hair. 

Then their eyes met. Fully met again, blue and brown together. Dan had to shut his because he could feel another window of tears brimming there. When he looked back, he felt a rush of panic - Phil wasn’t standing there anymore. He had walked past Dan and was going towards the door 

Dan didn’t want him to leave. The thought of being left alone made his hairs stand up on end as his skin erupted with goosebumps and he felt like he would start having some sort of panic attack. He had to do something before it was too late, before he had blown his chance. 

Without him even thinking, he had grabbed onto Phil’s hand. He was pulling him round, swerving him in a circle so that he was facing him again, and he was pulling him close. He heard Phil gasp - more of a satisfied  _ oh _ . 

They were kissing. It was so sudden, so fast but also slow and beautiful. He had taken Phil’s breath away, and as they kissed he could feel tears sliding down both of their cheeks. It felt like something wild had been set free, they’d both been starving for three months and they were finally getting their fix. It was manic and rushed and breathless. Without saying a single word, Dan led the way over to one of the toilet stalls before anybody came in. He locked the door, and then the next thing he knew his back was pressed up against it. Phil had taken over, Phil was always in charge when it came to these things. They were basically one being, it felt like everything around them had gone hazy. All Dan could see was Phil. 

When Phil moved away ever so slightly, just taking his mouth away for a split second, Dan moaned. He’d gone so long without his Phil, and now he had given in he couldn’t stop. 

“Are you sure, Dan?” Phil mumbled, “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything.” Dan replied, entirely certain. He grabbed onto Phil’s tie, pulling him close again. 

They cascaded. It was like they were floating in space, surrounded by nothing but the moon and the stars and comets of passion hurtling through the sky. The world was long gone, worries of reality erased entirely. None of it mattered anymore. Taken over by some wild animal he’d never known was in him before, Dan was tearing at Phil’s clothes. The shirt fell to the floor, followed by his belt, the metal of the buckle hitting the tiles with a  _ clang _ . Phil erased his work, Dan’s shirt was off once more. 

“Let me suck your cock.” Dan said, always upfront. It felt like old times - he’d always loved being on his knees for Phil. 

“Dan, are you drunk?” Phil asked, but he was already pulling down his jeans and Dan was already getting down. 

“I had a beer when I first got here, but I feel entirely sober.” Dan said, not entirely honestly - he didn’t feel at all sober. He felt a world away, living in some kind of dream. 

Phil didn’t have any more questions, and he wouldn’t have been able to speak anyway because suddenly he was groaning. Dan wasted no time, he instantly had taken Phil’s length in his hand and working it well. Forgetting that they were in the toilet of a party, Phil tilted his head back, a gasping moan falling from his lips. Moving his hand to Dan’s head, he let his fingers tousle into the waves he loved so much. Feeling him there, tugging his head back a little rough but not so it hurt, Dan moaned himself. He loved when Phil pulled his hair, he wished he would do it harder but even then, Phil was being careful. When Phil was definitely more hard, Dan leaned in closer. His tongue swilled delicately around the tip of Phil’s dick at first, but soon he was getting sloppy, the way they both liked it. He wet his lips, and soon Phil was entirely wet all over. His cock was hitting the back of Dan’s throat so that he gagged. When that happened, Phil went to slow down, but Dan just wanted to go harder. He was so desperate for Phil, to taste him, to be entirely all over him. When he looked up, Phil was staring down at him. He looked crazed, his black hair a mess. 

“Dan, I’ve missed-  _ oh _ .” 

He fisted his grip more tightly into Dan’s hair, Dan let out a choked moan, still wrapped around Phil’s member. He knew that Phil wouldn’t last much longer, he could always tell when he was about to release. His eyes were rolling back, looking high on ecstasy as he was entirely blissed out. Soon, he pulled himself away, and Dan didn’t even have to remind him that he liked to swallow it. Phil started jerking himself for the rest of it, and Dan opened his mouth wide. The moment Phil’s cum hit his tongue, Dan swallowed it, tasting him all over again. As he swallowed, he shut his eyes, leaning back into the door. 

“I knew my little cumslut would never change.” Phil teased. 

Dan laughed a little, but he felt slightly spaced out in a good way. His throat was a little sore, but he always liked that. Phil helped him to his feet, and then they were kissing again. A little roughly, Phil shoved Dan backwards into the door, letting out another moan from Dan. They were all over one another. Keeping his hands in Dan’s hair, Phil’s mouth started to move down, leaving a trail of hickeys in the same place he always used to. Looking at the bruising of lovebites, Dan felt so satisfied - his skin had been so clean recently. Now there were Phil’s labels all over again, he always used to say  _ now the world will know you’re mine _ . 

Dan would always be Phil’s, and Phil would always belong to Dan. 

“Fuck, Phil.” Dan breathed, fluttering his eyelids in pure pleasure from the way his teeth were grazing his skin. 

Then there was a sound - the door being banged open, the noise of the party floating through to the room. There were a group of guys, they didn’t know who, all having drunken conversation loudly. 

“Is it just me or can you guys smell sex?” someone said, and a few agreed, others laughed. 

Phil had pulled Dan close, and they both had their hands over their mouths to keep from laughing. As they stood, silent and trying not to give themselves away, they looked into each other’s eyes. 

They weren’t telepathic. They couldn’t read each other’s minds. Yet somehow, Dan knew what Phil was thinking. 

Three months had killed them. 

They were never being apart again. 

As he realised that, Dan felt like he would start crying all over again. Tears of pure joy and happiness, he couldn’t help but smile. 

Leaning down the tiny bit he needed to, Dan pressed a kiss on Phil’s head. He clamped his eyes shut, and rested his head on Phil’s. 

At last, his mind was at peace - even if they’d nearly been caught all but fucking in the public toilet. 


End file.
